


In plain sight

by Dalankar



Category: Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-26
Updated: 2012-11-26
Packaged: 2017-11-19 14:51:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/574466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dalankar/pseuds/Dalankar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hyukjae is always the first thing he sees. And the last.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In plain sight

Donghae leaned against the door frame and watched Hyukjae read. His fingers were tracing slowly and carefully over the words, a slight frown on his face. His dark hair was not styled up as usual, instead falling in to his face in a soft mess. Donghae couldn't help but smile. Hyukjae looked so beautiful, just sitting on the couch and reading.

 

Hyukjae looked up when he walked closer.

 

"Hae?" he asked tentatively, face raised in his direction.

 

Donghae leaned down to touch his lips to Hyukjae's, who tensed momentarily before lifting up a hand to touch Donghae's face with exploring fingers.

 

"Hi," Donghae whispered. "I'm sorry I'm late."

 

Hyukjae smiled against his lips. "It's okay. Gave me more time to practise my reading."

 

Donghae sat down beside him, extending a hand to sift through Hyukjae's hair at the back, the dark hair sifting like silk through his fingers.

 

"Decided to leave it alone today?" he asked jokingly. Hyukjae pinked slightly.

 

"I couldn't find the hair gel."

 

Donghae's fingers froze for a moment before falling on to Hyukjae's shoulder as he leaned closer to kiss the side of Hyukjae's head.

 

"I like it like this."

 

Hyukjae laughed. "It probably looks like a mop."

 

Donghae decided to murder whoever had touched Hyukjae's things and kissed him on the cheek.

 

"It's a beautiful mop. It's my mop."

 

Hyukjae turned towards him with a smile. "You can keep it then."

 

Donghae grinned and threaded their fingers together. "I will."

 

\---

 

_He stared at the doctor incredulously._

_"What?"_

_In his periphery he saw Kyuhyun stagger back against the wall._

_"He will lose sight in both eyes within two months. It is a very rare condition. I haven't seen a case like this in many years. It is unfortunate but it does happen."_

_"Unfortunate-" Donghae started but Jungsu’s voice was stronger than his'._

 

_"Is there anything we can do? A transplant?"_

_The doctor nodded. "Yes. We have already placed him in the donor program but there is no way to know when a suitable donor will be found. I am very sorry."_

_Donghae stared at the doctor as Jungsu shook the doctor's hand and thanked him._

_He flinched away when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Siwon was looking at him with concerned eyes. "Donghae?"_

_He backed away. They were all looking at him. Ryeowook by Kyuhyun's side, Jungsu with a crease across his brow and Siwon with sad dark eyes._

_He turned and ran._

 

\---

 

Hyukjae appeared at the door, one hand gripping the door frame tightly.

 

"What's going on?"

 

Donghae turned, surprised. Hyukjae was worrying the hem of his pink sweater with nervous fingers, eyes moving around the room.

 

"Your boyfriend is being a bitch!" Sungmin spat before Donghae could say anything. Hyukjae's head turned towards the voice and he took a tentative step in to the room, letting go of the door.

 

Donghae tore his eyes away from Hyukjae and glanced at Sungmin, who glared back, arms crossed over his chest.

 

"Just don't do it again okay, hyung?" he asked.

 

Sungmin huffed. "Whatever," he mumbled and crossed the room without glancing once at Hyukjae waiting at the threshold. Hyukjae frowned as Sungmin walked past him.

 

"What happened?" Hyukjae asked, turning back towards Donghae.

 

Donghae sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Nothing."

 

Hyukjae frowned.

 

"I just told him not to touch your things."

 

Hyukjae's eyes widened. Donghae reached him in four steps.

 

"It's nothing," he said, taking Hyukjae's hands in his own.

 

"It's difficult for them," Hyukjae whispered.

 

"It shouldn't be difficult! They just have to pay attention," Donghae growled.

 

Hyukjae reached up, hands tentative on Donghae's face.

 

"It's difficult for you," Hyukjae whispered. Donghae watched Hyukjae's wide brown eyes. His beautiful eyes that haven't seen the light of day in six months. They were focussed now somewhere behind Donghae. His fingers were gentle on Donghae's skin.

 

"It's not." Donghae kissed Hyukjae lightly on the lips. "Being with you is never difficult."

 

Hyukjae brought up his other hand so both his hands were cradling Donghae's face. His gentle fingers traced lightly over his cheekbones, over his eyes and tangled in Donghae's dark hair. Hyukjae bowed his head and Donghae smoothed his hands over Hyukjae's chest to fit at his hips.

 

"I miss you," Hyukjae whispered. Donghae pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around him tightly. It took him a moment to stop biting his lip and take a deep breath before he could speak.

 

"I'm here." he blinked rapidly and felt Hyukjae's wet lashes brush against his skin.

 

"I'm right here."

 

\---

 

_Jungsu found him crouched in the emergency stairwell. Donghae wiped his eyes with the backs of his hands and sniffed. He didn't look at the leader when he sat down beside him._

_"What are you going to do, Donghae-yah?" Jungsu asked. Donghae picked at his shoelaces with a hand._

_"I don't know," he whispered._

_He leaned closer towards the warmth of Jungsu’s body._

_"What am I gonna do, hyung?" he asked as Jungsu wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "How can I do anything without him?"_

_He rested his head on Jungsu’s shoulder._

_"Have courage, Donghae." Jungsu kissed his hair gently. "We will find a way through this," he said in his leader's voice. The one that always got everyone together, ready to do whatever Jungsu asked them to do._

_Donghae griped a hand in his leader's bulky winter jacket and focussed on breathing._

 

\---

 

_Hyukjae's dark eyes were fixed on him._

_"I want you to be the last thing I see."_

_Donghae held Hyukjae's hands tighter between them. Hyukjae's eyes tightened but he didn't pull_ _away._

_"Hae?" Hyukjae asked uncertainly and Donghae shifted closer on the bed. Hyukjae's face relaxed, the lines on his forehead smoothing out._

_"I'm scared."_

_Donghae lifted Hyukjae's hands to his lips and kissed both palms in turn. "I'm here, Jae." He leaned even closer so their noses were almost touching. "I'm always going to be here. You won't be alone."_

_Hyukjae took a shuddering breath. His eyes were wide open as if he was afraid to close them. Hyukjae lifted a hand to trace over Donghae's face._

_"I want to remember you." Gentle fingers traced and retraced over his skin, lips, eyes and nose. "I don't ever want to forget."_

_Fingers hesitated on the wetness on Donghae's face, smearing the tears over his skin. Hyukjae gathered him closer. Donghae tried to stifle his sobs against Hyukjae's neck as gentle hands soothed down his back._

 

\---

 

"But Hyukjae hyung can still sing. He can still dance! You can't do this!" Kyuhyun cried, standing up. Siwon reached up, grasping for his wrist. Kyuhyun shook him off. "He's a part of Super Junior. He's family. He's my family!"

 

Ryeowook stood up and wrapped his arms around Kyuhyun, whispering in his ear.

 

Their manager shifted uncomfortably.

 

"This is the president's decision. He believes that it is in the best interests of both Hyukjae and the group if he takes a break from Super Junior for a while."

 

"For how long?" Sungmin asked, looking towards where Donghae sat on the armrest of Hyukjae's chair. Hyukjae was staring straight ahead. Donghae drew gentle circles on his back. At least SM had let Hyukjae know before they told the group.

 

"For as long as necessary."

 

"But that-" Jongwoon paused, glancing from Hyukjae to Donghae and then to Jungsu, who sat at the edge of his chair, hands clasped between his knees.

 

"This is temporary." Jungsu stood up, looking around at them all. Their manager looked as though he was about to speak but stopped when Jungsu’s gaze fixed on him. "Hyukjae is only taking a break for his own health."

 

Hyukjae's hands flexed on his knees.

 

"We are family and we won't let this break us." Jungsu looked so determined standing there with everyone looking up at him. All so desperate to believe him. Kyuhyun nodded slowly and let Ryeowook guide him back down to his chair. 

 

Hyukjae stood up and Donghae let his hand fall. Hyukjae turned towards where Jungsu was sitting. "Thank you, hyung," he said. Donghae watched him, head bowed, dark hair falling in to his face. All the members were watching him. Hyukjae knew and Donghae had never known him to be nervous amidst of such attention.

 

"I want to say something." Hyukjae swallowed. "I want you to know that these seven years have been the best of my whole life. And whatever happens I will never forget all the things we did together. Even if I," Hyukjae paused and Donghae couldn't be the only one who could see the tears shining on his cheeks. He reached up a hand, resting it on the small of Hyukjae's back.

 

"Even if I don't make it back," Hyukjae continued and at the corner of his eyes Donghae saw Kyuhyun bury his face in Ryeowook's shoulder. "I'll always be proud of Super Junior, my family."

 

Donghae stood up and wrapped his hands around Hyukjae's waist from behind. Kyuhyun rushed in to Hyukjae who staggered with the unexpected weight but held Kyuhyun close as the younger boy cried in his arms. Everyone gathered together. Donghae could hear the sniffs and the sobs as they all wrapped their arms around each other, Hyukjae at the center of all their love.

 

\---

 

_Hyukjae was sitting cross-legged on the bed when he came in. The bed sheets were pooled around his hips and Donghae could see the tense set of his shoulders as he sat. Streaks of new sunlight were splashed across the bed, lighting up Hyukjae's skin in patches of gold. Hyukjae's head lifted when he heard Donghae enter the room from the bathroom. But he did not turn._

_"Could you turn the lights on, Hae? I know it's the middle of the night but I can't sleep."_

_Donghae forced himself to not look out the window at the light blue sky of early dawn._

_He walked around the bed and sat down in front of Hyukjae, who flinched when the bed dipped under Donghae's weight, eyes darting around the room._

_"Hae, I can't see you." Panic was starting to creep in to Hyukjae’s voice, his hands were clutching the baby blue blanket around his waist. "I can't…" he whispered._

_Donghae reached out and took Hyukjae's hands in his own. "Hyukjae, look at me. Focus on me." He was incredibly proud of the way his voice barely shook. Because his heart was pounding hard enough to burst out of his chest. Hyukjae's eyes darted from side to side, searching for him. "I can't!" Hyukjae breathed. "I can't see you!"_

_Donghae lifted Hyukjae's hands to his face, settling the long fingered hands on his cheeks._

_"I'm here."_

_Hyukjae's breaths were coming in rapid gasps, fingers grasping for hold over Donghae's skin._

_"Donghae," Hyukjae's wide brown eyes were filled with tears. "Please…"_

 

_Donghae pulled him closer. "It's okay. You're okay." He murmured in to Hyukjae's hair as his hands scrambled for purchase. "Hyukjae, everything is going be fine."_

  

\---

 

"You should get a haircut."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because you're starting to look like a bum."

 

"Who gives a fuck about what I look like?"

 

"I do."

 

"You should stop coming here."

 

"What?"

 

"Why are you even here, Hae? Why do you keep on doing this?"

 

"Doing what?"

 

"I'm not a part of your world anymore! You don't have to pretend. Let go!"

 

"What the fuck are you talking about? Jae, why are you saying this?"

 

"This is going to be me forever. I will never get to see your face again. I'll never get to see you smile, never get to watch you get wrinkles. Never get to see your stupid face in the morning and think 'he's never looked any better than this'! I can't hold you back when you have an amazing life to live. You don't have to keep on coming back to me. I will never get better."

 

"Don't talk like this. Why do you think I come back to you? I always come back to you. Wherever I am, I'm always thinking about you, always wishing you are with me, that I'm with you. You are my home, Hyukjae. I love you more than anything on this whole damn planet. I come home to you because there is nowhere else I'd rather be."

 

"You're so stupid, Hae. So fucking stupid!"

 

"Yeah well… you've never minded before."

 

\---

 

"Donghae." For the briefest of moments Donghae didn't recognise the voice at the other end of the line.

 

"Heechul hyung," he greeted. Heechul had only just come out of military service and Donghae knew he'd been spending a lot of time with Hyukjae while Super Junior was touring Japan.

 

"They found a donor." Heechul's voice was quiet and for a moment Donghae didn't understand his words.

 

"Donghae," Heechul said and Donghae realised he'd been silent for too long. "The surgery is tomorrow."

 

He wanted to ask why Hyukjae hadn't called him himself. "Is he…?"

 

"He's sleeping."

  

"Donghae." There was a rustling at the other end. "I think he'd like for you be there when he wakes up."

 

_I want you to be the last thing I see._

 

"I'll be there."

  

\---

 

Donghae sprang to his feet as the doctor guided Hyukjae in to the waiting room. Hyukjae's eyes were squeezed shut, the skin around them bruised blue from the surgery.

 

The others stood up too but they let Donghae be the first one to step up. The doctor let go and Hyukjae reached out. Donghae caught his hands and Hyukjae gasped. He used his hold on Donghae's hands to find his way up to his face.

 

"Donghae…" Gentle fingers wiped away the tears on his cheeks, smearing them on his skin.

 

"I'm here," he whispered. Hyukjae's lips twitched. Then his eye lids squeezed tighter and then released. The lids separated slowly. Donghae watched as Hyukjae opened his eyes. Hyukjae blinked rapidly, his brown eyes wandering before they fixed on Donghae. They were the same shade as before and Donghae wondered if he looked closer he'd see the subtle flecks of sunlight in his eyes.

 

"Hi." Hyukjae's thumbs traced over his lips. Donghae smiled. He couldn't help but smile. Hyukjae laughed and pulled him in. "I missed you." He was laughing and crying. Donghae buried his face in Hyukjae's neck  as the others swarmed around them.  Hyukjae's arms were strong and warm around him. Everyone was laughing and talking and joyous.   Donghae closed his eyes.

 

_Always the first thing he sees. And the last._

*** _  
_


End file.
